My Precious Live-in Rinpoche...Dewachen. Totally stoked for her first day of pre-school this morning (8:30 - 12:00) at my alma mater, St. Columba. click to enlarge the 'Dewa Chi'.
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It's a heccuva thing; this Conscious Parenting gig...
What you see in the photo above is the one thing that all Conscious Parents pray and toil toward; seeing a Confident Smile - a manifestation of Self-Esteem - on our chi-ldren's faces when it comes time for our chi-ldren to be apart from us.
Beyond Dewa's school backpack, Dewa carries with her into her first solo dance* with the Outer World, something far more priceless than colored crayons and a packed healthy snack...it's called Self Esteem.
It's our sense of Self-Esteem that is required for success in any pursuit, especially the spiritual journeys which lie before all of us.
Self Esteem...sOMething that i and Ananda have both struggled to gain over our entire lives, often over-achieving in our fields as if to prove to the Outer World that, 'yes, see me? i am brimming with confidence and skills,' only to live with a chronic sense that our inner chi-ld is still in a fetal position, scared and feeling alone.
our Daughter...well, let's get real here: Dewa is not 'our' daughter - she is Brahman's daughter, she is a chi-ld of the UniVerse, she is God's daughter, not 'ours' -
is packing sOMething that i never had in my quiver when my mother dropped me off in front of Kindergarten; inner confidence.
After essentially 4 years (Dewa will be three next month) of professional and personal 'sacrifice' in order to spend 100% of our time with Dewa, this morning symbolizes a dual opportunity for Ananda and i. we get to see how our parenting skills and choices have prepared Dewa for her social integration and...a MUCH NEEDED chance for Ananda and i to eventually spend a few hours per day with each other; alone! our attempt to re-familiarize ourselves with each other while mountain biking, climbing, doing all the things i had 'planned' for her and i to unconditionally share untethered by chi-ld now finally resurfaces in a far, far different light then what i had envisioned.
For these past 4 years (the first 'year' of pregnancy to now) our coupleship has had one podium; Conscious Presence with our Dewachen. No childcare, no daycare, no babysitter without one of us all-ways being around.
As i pedaled behind Ananda and Dewa on our bicycles along the Animas River this morning toward St. Columba, the Narrow Gauge # 473 train chugged past us, filling Father Sky with that sultry smell of coal soot which is surely going to be one of my Beloved Odors when time comes for me to enter the Bardo. i could not help but recall my own chi-ldhood growing up here along these sacred banks, beneath these incomparably beautiful blue-bird skies shivering above the La Plata and San Juan mountains. today, another generation of 'ilg' begins to adapt to society's conventions while attempting to simultaneously learn how to quell a wildly deep yearning to run free in the natural world.
heccuva thing, this Conscious Parenting gig.
it's a helluva of an exhausting gig...
it's a heaven of an exhilarating gig...
Conscious Parenting is the Highest Yoga feeble ilg has ever attempted.
Dewa; though you sit now in school, surrounded by new friends and teachers, your Abba loves you so much and knows in his heart that your Amma and i have truly,
truly,
truly
done and given our Best for this most special day in your Precious Life...enjoy it all and...
bring the CHI, baby girl!
i know you will.
head bowed to all Parents Everywhere In All Realms,
abba
* actually Joy is going to stay at the school with Dewa...hopefully as 'distant' as possible.
